Isn’t This Home? is a photo book that I published with Gueari Galeri. The project explores the search for a sense of belonging whilst living abroad for postgraduate studies (London, The UK) and is met with unexpected circumstances such as COVID-19 lockdown, national strike, and other socio-political issues. I’m trying to capture the struggle to find my sense of belonging in London, the heart of imperialism, as someone from a (previously, or even still) colonised place – without having to participate in the glamorisation of the white and the west as well as trying my best not to portray London from an overtly-romanticised tourist gaze. I eventually found “home” in the presence of my friends, visual experiences that are familiar to me and my origin, and my aloneness under lockdown.
I used analog photography partly to highlight the fact that I only had one chance to “make things right” when I was there, and also to get that exposed/burnt effect on my photographs that can perfectly illustrate the displacement that I felt there. The gloomy and empty atmosphere present in the photographs were intentionally created to shatter the tourist gaze and give another perspective on the often-glamorised life of Indonesian students overseas. I want to share the feelings of emptiness and the bitter realisations of having to find home and sense of belonging in one of the loneliest cities in the world. This work is also slightly influenced by my post-colonial and cultural studies reading list, one of the most influential ones is All That is Solid Melts Into Air by Marshall Berman, which explores the experience of modernity.
This book was exhibited in the Photobook Exhibition at Jakarta International Photography Festival 2021